Made in China

Halfway there today! 20 weeks down, 20 weeks to go!

Ok, so we're up to 18 weeks now. The nausea has well and truly settled down now (thank heavens!!!) I am only nauseated briefly first thing in the morning, or if I get very tired or hungry. I have been feeling movements for the last couple of weeks. At least I know this for sure now...

Today I went to the obstetrician, we listened to Captain Underpants' heartbeat which was healthy and belting along nicely. While we were listening bub moved and she pointed it out to me, so yes they are what I've been feeling.

This week I have been getting a few comments that I am getting bigger and looking terrific, even lost some weight. And this is true, because last time I went to the obstetrician's I was 101.3 kg and now I am 101.7 kgs, so if anything, uterus and bub are getting bigger, but I'm getting smaller, though I suspect this may last only a little while as I am able to eat more and keep more down now (Hooray!).

So everything's going well and I am beginning to get excited about the whole thing, don't have to be so anxious anymore, which is great.

Next Friday is the 'big scan', the 18-20 weeker where they look at foetal morphology and make sure everything's developing normally and that bub is healthy. We may even find out what gender Captain Underpants is (I reckon it's a girl) if he/she choses to share that information with us.

I am much happier and more relaxed today than I have been for such a long time.

Well, we're almost at 16 weeks. I am now only just beginning to show. Where my tummy is usually soft it is kind of firm. You can see it well from the side, but front on, I don't look much bigger than usual. Paul thinks I have lost weight from my sides, but actually, I think it's just that I'm getting bigger out the front. Either way, my body's changing shape and it's all quite exciting. And my black jeans are getting tight around the waist...

I'm also pretty sure I can feel 'the quickening', or Captain Undepants' movements. I kind of think it feels like fish kisses or bubbles. At first I thought it was just my tummy muscles, but now I'm pretty sure it's bub.

Nausea is still around. Not as profound as it used to be, but still enough to make me sick first thing in the morning and sometimes before I go to bed. Boobies still getting bigger and are tender, but tolerable. Emotions go all over the place. I was crying at Australian Idol last night, particular songs touched me and I got all teary (prolly cause they were so bad)...

Still experiencing tiredness and have cut back on the 12+ hour days at work substantially (like, totally!).

But all is well, I guess and I'm actually feeling alot more relaxed and happy than I have for a while...

I think the nausea and vomitting is easing up.

In other news, maternity bras are godawful urgly! But my bazzoobas are so sore and I have to get new bras and they're heavy and have these big blue veins on them so they look like a bloody road map!

I am feeling so sore, heavy and cumbersome today. What the hell am I going to feel like 'down the track?' And the best you get is these wise, well knowing women who condescend you with "Yes, dear, that's what it's all about!" Well, bugger the lot of them, I say.

I need some hugs...

Boy, am I zonked!
This morning I couldn't sleep in, so got up at about 7.30. Bugger really seeing as it's my day off...but you get that. Huge day planned, so...did urine specimen, had another vom-vom, felt awful for a couple of hours, then Paul and I went for the Nucchal Translucency ultasound. Which was pretty groovy. Still have a heart beating at about 150 and we now have a 5.5cm Captain Underpants, who decided to be most unco-operative. We needed Captain to lift up 'his' head so we could measure the space between the spine and the neck skin. I think 'he' was just way too relaxed and was enjoying chilling out, waving to us & occasionally having a kick and a hiccup.

After much jiggling about, me coughing, me getting up and down and moving about and persistance, we got some measurements and the chances of us having a Downs Syndrome baby are an impressive 1 in 12802 chance, which we are very happy with. This dosen't tell us definates, but the scan/blood test combo does pick up 80% of cases and the obstetrician and ultrasonographer were both impressed.

So after that, we went to see Dr Gayer for the first time, my obstetrician. She took my blood pressure, urine sample and medical history and we had a quick chat. Then we did a doppler, where you can hear the foetus' heartbeat. It was WAY COOL! First time I had heard it and it really made me smile. Plus it was kind of weird, because it wasn't my heartbeat we were listening to, but bub's. So for now, I'm to stay on the aspirin and finish up the progesterone course that I am currently on (yay, only 3 nights left of pessaries...).

So then we were handed some paperwork and off for another blood test and urine specimen. Then off to Westmead Private to the maternity suite to get more paperwork and information and to get us checked in and confirmed. Got a bag of goodies and then we thought we'd go shopping for a while, but I was feeling crappy again and I am quite exhausted after all that.

At least the nausea hasn't been as bad as it has been all week. I think it might be starting to sort itself out...bloody hell, I hope so!

So we're getting closer to the final stage of Trimester Number One. And thank heavens. It's been a stress and anxiety inducing time, but as time is passing, I am becoming more and more relaxed and am starting to enjoy it all. Except for the nausea and now, reflux! The nausea will settle down, but the reflux is only going to get worse, so it's here for the duration. Hurrah for double strength Gaviscon. Even if it is Truly Awful!

So yesterday, Paul and I got a good look at Captain Underpants. He now has a head (and you can see his nose), hands and feet. We must have caught him as he was exercising because he kicked off and launched himself around my uterus, doing turns, flipping around and bringing his tiny little hand up to his face as if to wave and say hello to us. It was really awesome! And kind of weird to think that there is a little person alive and growing inside me. That's just way too weird. Comforting, but strange, yet so normal. I know it's cliche'd of me to think this way, but yeah, it's just the strangest feeling.

Oh and in case you're wondering. It's too early to know the gender yet. I am referring to foetus in the masculine, only because I feel it necessary to personify bub.

Next Friday, we have the Nucchal Translucency test where they test for Down's Syndrome by looking at the spinal cord and neck thickness. They have taken some blood from me to look for some proteins, but I will have results practically immediately. Then it's off for my first visit to Dr. Gayer, my obstetrician, which should be...fun...

So far, so good! Still a bit nauseated, though don't seem to be vomitting quite as much. Paul is home again, so I am feeling alot more relaxed. Have got another ultrasound again on Wednesday and I'm going to go. I would prefer to know things are ok, than not know.

Yesterday after a chocolate Quick, Paul managed to bring to my attention that I really am eating for two. Had been grazing for the entire day, eating like a horse! It kinda made me laugh, but I so don't want to get much fatter than I already am...

We're past the marker! Had my 8 week ultrasound today and after yet more anxiety, we have a funny looking prawn thing with a heartbeat of 167bpm and all is looking good so far.

The weird twinges and things that have been making me freak out are just changes, I mean hell, my uterus is growing for crying out loud! And you can really see the difference between this and the last ultrasound.

Mum came in with me and almost cried when she saw the ultrasound.

I am starting to feel a bit more relaxed, it has just been such a stressful time. I know we're not completely over the line and there is such a long way to go yet, but each step is a reassurance.

I have been throwing up fairly severely for the last couple of days. I expect that will quieten down a bit now. My digestive system has always been where I keep my severe stress...

On another note, I have been so touched by how supportive my colleagues have been at work, they have been unreal and are looking out for me. And MoG turned up today just before I went to the u/s. He thought I may have already been and was dropping by to make sure I am ok. I had just come out of the shower and when I heard his voice, I have to admit, I cried, I was so touched that he took the time out of his day to check in on me.

He's still hoping for triplets...

I'm exhausted, the last few days have been very difficult and emotionally draining.

I wish Mum and Garry could have stayed another day...

Have got an ultrasound on Wednesday, which I am already really anxious about. Nausea stopped yesterday afternoon and I thought it had gone again this morning, but it's just started back up. Will go eat now.

I'm really stressing out. Paul has gone to Mongolia and I have too much time to think, but if I keep myself really busy, I will overdo it and wear myself out...

Just wish I could get through the first trimester so I can stop freaking out so much...

Was really sick yesterday with nausea and vomitting. It's fine today, was a bit queazy this morning, but nothing too bad. It's really freaky. I feel every twinge. Anything slightly out of the ordinary and I'm freaking out. I'm doing all the right things and the only thing I can do is cross my fingers and hope for the best, there is absolutely NO control, nothing more I can do and this I find very frightening. Considering I spose that I am a bit of a control freak. And the worst thing about it is I live in fear/hope for the next ultrasound. I am scared shitless that it won't be any good, but so hoping for the best.

It's weird, I long to bond and get close and enjoy being pregnant, but my warning bells are constantly going off and my guard is up, I don't want to get too close or I might get hurt again. Bring on week 13 when I can relax a little bit!

The next ultrasound is next Wednesday. Paul will be out of the country, but Mum and Garry are coming to stay with me. I think one of the scariest things is that this Friday, we will be 8 weeks and this is precisely where we left off last time. But, I'm not really going to have any clue how things are progressing until the ultrasound, so it's all a bit overwhelming. I am in better control of my emotions than I was last week. I totally lost the plot last Wednesday at work, to the point where they sent me home, I was to have my ultrasound that afternoon and well, everything was fine. Not before I lost my dignity at work and caused myself some embarrasment.

Anyway...well...big deep breath, lets see how we go this time, huh?

And it has a heartbeat, belting along at 115bpm, is 5mm big, pea-shaped and happily clinging to it's womb.

There is nothing more indignifying than having an internal ultrasound, but I didn't really care.

My God, what an amazing relief!

Hang in there little buddy, we got a long way to go yet!

So tiny, fragile and precious...

Starting to cry again now...bloody progesterone...

Ok, I have to say, I'm fairly freaked out right now. So many emotions and scary thoughts happening. Lots of what-ifs. And to top it all off, I'm off for my first ultrasound tomorrow. This scares me! Alot! It was at this particular time I found out that I'd miscarried last time. Paul's coming with me. I don't think I could get through it without him. Fingers are majorly crossed. But really, I AM SO SCARED!

Just rang the Drs rooms and it looks like my Progesterone is a little low, so now I have to go on Progesterone pessaries. So I'll be sorting that out today before I go to work...man...why can't I just sail through this like any other normal woman?

Man..."morning sickness". Who was the bright spark that decided this would be the best term for it? More like "all freaking day sickness" ! Yesterday was awful, thank the gods that it was only a short one at work, but I could hardly get myself to eat! Had some more blood tests done (have I told you how much I hate needles?) again and will ge the results...well...now actually... ok the rooms are on the phone, will try again later.

So yeah, ended up feeling really seedy all day yesterday and sleeping a fair bit.

And they're not wrong when they say you have really vivid dreams. So far, they have been fairly unremarkable, but last night I had a nightmare that just wouldn't go away when I woke up from it and went back to sleep. It just picked up where it left off. It was real and just awful, very very violent. I ended up crying myself awake. Cool thing was, Paul went to work, I went back to sleep and called the cops and told them to bring weapons and reinforcemements on the people that were being violent. Then I woke myself up again so I had some kind of closure and win over what seemed such a horrible, and hopeless situation.

I still feel really unsettled talking about it...

Had my first real bout of morning sickness this morning at work. I was working in orthopaedic theatre and the diathermy (burning flesh) smell got to me. I ran to the loo, but someone was in it. Just had to breathe through it.

Apart from that, I'm not feeling anything at all like I was last time. Certainly not as sick, but my breast soreness seems to not be as bad over the last couple of days and the dragging feeling in my uterus isn't as bad either...I hope all this is a good sign, I am still finding it pretty hard to relax. Spoke with one of the IVF guys today, one of the IVF Scientists is 13 weeks pregnant and we were chatting about it. I mentioned that I am taking aspirin and he wanted to know my dosage and said the 75mgs was best. I came home and checked - 100mgs. Hmmmm....so I rang Dr. Gayer's rooms and spoke with the secretary again. She said that 100mgs is the low dose so it is fine to continue taking it.

That was a relief and boy, that secretary is very knowledgable!

I'm so freaked out. I don't want to be an over-anxious pain in the arse, but you know, it's just so hard not to be unconcerned. I really want this to work out for the best. I'm trying so hard to be positive and think good thoughts, but in reality, I am just so damn scared.

But on the bright side, I don't feel like shit, so it can't be bad, can it?

The obstetrician rang last night with the test results. Man, that was quick! So far, my progesterone and HCG are looking fine. I still need to re-test next week though.

Boy am I tired! I haven't done much today...ok, well that might be slightly wrong...rang Dr. Gayer's rooms back after I missed their call. They started all the organisational stuff.

I am due on the 7th April (so Festival looks like it's out for us next year...). I have my first appointment with Dr Gayer on the 23rd September. Prior to that, there are 3 ultrasounds, one next Wednesday (6 weeks) and then one every two weeks at 8 and 10 weeks (all $120 each...) and the nucchal fold ultrasound test ($200). Have had more blood taken today for quantitative beta HCG and progesterone to make sure things are on track. If the progesterone is too low, I will have to be placed on medication to boost it. I have a repeat blood test again next week. I am booked into Westmead Private for the 7th April, but have to confirm this later at the end of the first trimester.

Went back to my GP who said all my levels are looking ok. Haemaglobin is a little low and he suggests taking the Blackmoore's pregnancy formula and the other supplement to boost things along. Then I went to the shops and bought a new book called conception, pregnancy & birth by Dr. Miriam Stoppard. It's quite comprehensive and has alot of good information. It's not too overwhelming with terminology, but gives clear and concise details.

Am really tired, going to go now to lie down for a while. Don't think I'll be at singing again this week :(

We have told a few people, mainly our family and one or two close friends like Charlie. Paul's parent's dropped in for a visit today and we told them. Paul's mum was pretty excited, which is nice. Neither Paul or I are getting overly excited just yet, that will come in the next few months if things go better than last time. It's kind fo weird, one part of me is really upbeat and excited, bursting at the seams. The other part is cautious and not wanting to get attatched.

Went to see the gynaecologist. He was old and ugly and didn't really seem to know what he was on about. I will not be going back to him and will stick with Dr. Gayer. She's pretty good so I think it's best not to change obstetricians. Have rung and left a message at her rooms, they will get back to me on Monday.

Had some blood taken today for HCG and FBC (Human Growth hormone and Full Blood Count) will get results on Monday. In the meantime, I'm going to try and relax and take it as it comes...this is much much easier for me to actually say than do...

Oh my goodness... I'm pregnant again! Spent the evening working with a girl from work who is also pregnant and chatted with her a bit. After chatting with her, I thought maybe it would be a good idea if I came home and did a pregnancy test. I have been feeling queasy on and off, had a spot instead of a period when it was due, breasts tender and emotional swings like nothing else and feeling very tired in the afternoons...all posible signs.

Came home, Paul was fixing a light bulb, so I went into the bathroom and very quickly came to find out that I am pregnant again.

Considering the plight of Tsunami at 8 weeks, this scares the hell out of me. Now I know I need to think happy thoughts, say some prayers and try to relax, but in reality, I am rather freaked out. I never want to go through another miscarriage. Went to the GP, he thinks everything's ok. Rang the obstetrician, they are out of the office until Monday. Will contact them again then. Range my boss, Jytte as I need to have some time off work tomorrow afternoon to get some tests done and see a gynaecologist. She was really good about it all and very supportive (sigh of relief!).

Will see what happens tomorrow, but for now, I think I'll freak out quietly to myself...